You’ll Have to Go Through Me: The Power of Allies

In June of 1986, I attended my first Pride March in San Francisco as a newly-out lesbian. It was amazing—dazzling, affirming, and liberating in ways I hadn’t even known I needed.

Then PFLAG marched by—and the tears started coming (my eyes still well up at the memory): straight parents, siblings, and friends marching in support.

At that time, I was still mostly in the closet. I didn’t know I had allies—people willing to stand up for and beside us. It was deeply healing and profoundly meaningful.

Nearly 40 years later, I recently found myself at a very different Pride event—in Sonora, a small town in the Sierra foothills, about two and a half hours from (and politically worlds apart from) Oakland.

The mountains are my spirit’s home, and I spend a lot of time in that region—but this was the first time I joined the local Pride celebration.

In some ways, we’ve come a long way: a richer understanding of gender and sexuality, and a younger generation that doesn’t blink an eye at any particular orientation.
And yet we’re now facing a chilling wave of systemic, strategic rollbacks of the gains we’ve fought so hard to achieve on so many fronts.

Once again, it was the allies who moved me most. Many wore t-shirts with sentiments like “You’ll Have to Go Through Me,” a bold and beautiful show of support for trans rights—especially powerful in a place where that kind of allyship isn’t in any way guaranteed.
Whether we are seeking support or offering it, we each have a role to play—and the ability to stand beside someone when it matters most.